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So I’m working at a kids soccer camp for the week and I’m gonna be honest… I fucking hate it.

Its not even the fact that the kids dont know the first thing about soccer or how to play it, its that they dont fucking listen, they just run around and fuck with each other and call me poopy face and booger brain… and you might think that i wouldnt let this type of name calling get to me but its tough to ignore the feelings of 4th grade bullying when they surface once again.  I’d rather have all my ex-girlfriends (2) dump me at the same time then deal with these fucking cookie munchers for another week.

But i digest…

So today I was pushed to the limit and decided that instead of yelling and trying to get them to listen to me I’d just take the 10 kids that didnt talk and pretend like i was teaching them.  While i was doing this i basically let the other 10 or so kids run wild… (not my best decision)… the next thing i know one boy pulls down another boy’s pants (in my head i was thinking… CLASSIC HAHAHA… but i obviously had to punish the kid) so i run over and grab the kids arm and tell him that he has to run laps or go call his mom.  The kid talks back and gives me shit until i give him to my boss who takes him from there.

so i get back to my group and the kid who got ‘pants-ed’ hasnt pulled his pants back up… i mean i guess you gotta respect him but it had been like 3-4 minutes of this kid running around with his little 4th grade penis out. and before i realize whats happening one girl winds up and slaps the kid right in the old onion bag as hes running past her.


I felt the hit myself. reminded me of when the black kid gets hit in the balls by a fly ball in Bad News Bears. well this little guy just went straight to the ground screaming bloody fucking murder. he instantly pulled up his pants and by the time i got to him his face was almost purple and i think his crowned jewels are still lodged in his stomach somewhere.

So we sent home the boy who pulled down the pants, sent home the kid who got pants-ed and whacked in the nuts (rough day man), and we are still praying to god that the girl doesnt tell her parents that she touched her first penis today.

thanks for reading


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